In a collective fit of despair and inability to reach an agreement with WPP or IPG, neither of which could guarantee they would not merge in the future, Coca-Cola and Pepsi, this morning, announced they would merge. The new entity will be known as Poke.
Both Coca-Cola and Pepsi spokespeople reached out to Adrants this morning and collectively said, “Fuck it, this shit is ridiculous. How can each of us expect to compete with one another when there will likely be just one advertising agency to choose from in a few years?”
Both camps went on to say, “When you get right down to it, both our products, much like every single advertising shop in existence, are identical. We all spout the same bullshit about how we are better or different or unique from one another when, in fact, we’re all made of the same shit and spew the same bullshit in our marketing.”
As the media wet their pants over who can write the wittiest and most salacious headline to convey the fact Omnicom and Publicis have combined to become the number one advertising holding company with a reported market cap of $35 million, we here at Adrants prefer to get to the heart of the matter. Coke is the same shit as Pepsi. Just like Omnicon is the same shit as Publicis. It makes perfect sense the two companies dispel any myth they are different from one another and simply mix their shit up.
We look forward to the bureaucratic nightmare that, as with all mergers, will assuredly net some interesting and unexpected new flavors of Poke as the two giants work to iron out their internal differences.